We want to help our kids stay safe, but it turns out, a phrase we commonly use with them to help ensure their safety may be doing the opposite. According to parent coach Kristin Gallant and marriage and family therapist Deena Margolin, the experts behind the popular parenting platform Big Little Feelings, that well-meaning, but flawed, phrase is “be careful.”
Here’s the thing, we know that letting our kids take risks, explore things and mess up is all good for their development, but we still want to teach them to be careful without making them nervous or afraid. So, we say “Be careful!” all the time, but it loses its urgency. “When we say ‘Be careful’ all the time on repeat, it just starts to mean nothing to them,” Margolin explains. “And also for little kids, a lot of times, that phrase just isn’t specific enough for them.”
And that’s why these parenting experts recommend swapping out that phrase for one that will actually help kids build self-awareness and encourage critical thinking. Here’s what they suggest saying to kids instead of “Be careful!”
- “Look down where you’re stepping” - This promotes being aware of their surroundings.
- “Hold on tightly with your hands” - Suggesting a specific helpful action is better than a general one.
- “What’s your plan here?” - Saying this helps kids tune in and create a plan for themselves.
- “Do you see how close you are to the edge?” - Kids don’t always notice when they’re standing dangerously close to the edge, so this encourages them to look and make choices based on that, so eventually, they can figure out if they’re being careful or not on their own.
- “Say ‘help’ if you need my help” - Another one that puts kids in control, but reassures them that we’re there if they do need us.
- “Do you feel safe?” - This lets kids self-reflect and decide how they feel in that moment as they check out their surroundings.
- “How can your hands and feet help you here?” - Perfect for when they’re climbing and need a reminder that they have the tools they need.
- “Notice (whatever specific situation)” - Saying “notice how slippery the rocks are before you step there” can be more helpful than the good old “be careful.”
Source: Parade